Who let the OCD in??
Well, folks, it's official. I've been blogging for one day and my OCD has officially struck gold. I was up until 1:30 AM Googling my way around how to blog, and wide awake at 6 AM to continue my search. I just typed in "how to blog without overthinking". It wasn't very helpful.
I know that there is no scale when it comes to the mental health world and it's diagnoses. Unlike something like diabetes, there is no number to indicate how "bad" someone's condition is. People with mental illness issues only have descriptive words to use, and those can often stand for a vast range of emotions. It's hard to honestly convey the situation when my "terrible" is different than your "terrible". Even just the words "anxiety" and "depression" can mean a huge number of different things to two people. I honestly considered these behaviors normal until a health care professional used the term OCD with me. You mean, not everyone thinks like this?! I'd always thought OCD was just continuously washing your hands, or counting your steps, I blame that perception on Hollywood!
I think I have always had slight anxiety and OCD tendencies (doesn't everyone?), but I remember them becoming more apparent as I moved into my 20's. My Postpartum depression and anxiety were the worst when my son was six-months-old. I would fixate on an idea, a product, anything that I could do research on, and I would just be consumed by it. I was still able to take care of my son (though emotionally not to the level I wish I could have), but my brain was always on the go and fixated by whatever this current fad was that I decided was so important. Eventually, the level of obsession I was experiencing subsided, but I still usually have at least one "thing" that is chewing at my brain. I haven't had one in a while that kept me up at night, until now. And when I get like this I am constantly thinking about it, researching it, often reading the same information over and over again, watching every video on the subject I can find, and spending money on it. I get really anxious and feel like I need to be online. I get impatient with my kids because I just want to stew over my repetitive thoughts and not be bothered.
(My postpartum experience deserves a whole post of its own, as does my anxiety issues.)
A FEW THINGS I HAVE OBSESSED OVER:
I know that there is no scale when it comes to the mental health world and it's diagnoses. Unlike something like diabetes, there is no number to indicate how "bad" someone's condition is. People with mental illness issues only have descriptive words to use, and those can often stand for a vast range of emotions. It's hard to honestly convey the situation when my "terrible" is different than your "terrible". Even just the words "anxiety" and "depression" can mean a huge number of different things to two people. I honestly considered these behaviors normal until a health care professional used the term OCD with me. You mean, not everyone thinks like this?! I'd always thought OCD was just continuously washing your hands, or counting your steps, I blame that perception on Hollywood!
I think I have always had slight anxiety and OCD tendencies (doesn't everyone?), but I remember them becoming more apparent as I moved into my 20's. My Postpartum depression and anxiety were the worst when my son was six-months-old. I would fixate on an idea, a product, anything that I could do research on, and I would just be consumed by it. I was still able to take care of my son (though emotionally not to the level I wish I could have), but my brain was always on the go and fixated by whatever this current fad was that I decided was so important. Eventually, the level of obsession I was experiencing subsided, but I still usually have at least one "thing" that is chewing at my brain. I haven't had one in a while that kept me up at night, until now. And when I get like this I am constantly thinking about it, researching it, often reading the same information over and over again, watching every video on the subject I can find, and spending money on it. I get really anxious and feel like I need to be online. I get impatient with my kids because I just want to stew over my repetitive thoughts and not be bothered.
(My postpartum experience deserves a whole post of its own, as does my anxiety issues.)
A FEW THINGS I HAVE OBSESSED OVER:
- HOMESCHOOLING- surprised??
- Stampin' Up
- essential oils
- cloth diapers
- extreme couponing
- minimalism
- vacations
- pregnancy/childbirth/homebirth
- diets/eating lifestyles
- Postpartum depression
- getting out of debt
- blogging!
Notice a trend in this list? They are almost all normal things that people find interesting, enjoy learning about, or are even just parts of life. But my brain takes them to a whole new level. I don't feel like my mind knows how to dial back on something, or at least to have a healthy balance. I go to unnecessary lengths to just find myself stewing over the same thoughts and ideas for days or weeks. I have to dive in, cranium first.
(I have been sitting here re-reading this. Do I post it? It can be a vulnerable subject. Typing more...deleting this and that. Feeling tugs of anxiety at my heart. What are people going to think? Maybe I should just save it as a draft. I've barely started my blog and I want to expose my crazy brain to everyone? What am I thinking...)
"But Andi, this is a homeschool blog, why are you talking about this??"
To me, homeschool blogging is much more than curriculum reviews and tips on managing multiple grade levels. My OCD and anxiety are going to be right there alongside me when I'm teaching my son. Biting at my heals to get the work done so I can be on my feet and be running to the next thing on my to-do list. I want to share those parts of HS too. They're not so pretty, but they are my reality, and maybe just by talking about them I can be an encourage someone else who is in the same boat.
So, there you are, a small peek into my brain. I'm sure I'll introduce you to more of my "crazy" as time goes. Does anyone else out there struggle with similar issues?
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